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The Basis of Sexual
Addiction May Not Be Sexual
By
Charles Wm. Skillas,
Ph.D., DD, BCH, FNGH, CI
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Sexual
addiction can be an overwhelming problem for those who
suffer from it. It is a very difficult situation for
one who is married and does not want to lose their spouse.
Most sexually addicted people I have worked with need
sex from more than one person and so they are constantly
on the prowl for new sexual partners. This is so for
single and married addicts. In the beginning, this can
be very exciting, but as the list of partners grows,
so does the potential for problems, particularly if
you are married.
Usually, the addicted
one becomes less sexually interested in their spouse
primarily because they are using so much energy chasing
a new conquest and/or using up their sexual energy on
the extra marital affairs. A sexual addict is like other
addicts who are addicted to drugs, alcohol, smoking
or food. They just have to have more of what they are
addicted to… in this case sex. However, the sex
has to be with a different partner in order for the
thrill and the libido to be stimulated.
This is not unlike what happens to people
who are married for a long time. The sex becomes stale
and the thrill and "naughtiness" disappear.
This can and does often lead to extra marital affairs
and in many cases divorce… destroying families
and wrecking havoc on wife, husband and the children
involved. But, this is not necessarily sexual addiction…this
is more seeking to recapture the excitement of youth
and the wonderful feelings of power that come with it.
You would think that sexual
addiction had its roots in sex, but this is not always
so, at least not in the cases I have worked with. Often,
sex is a way of escaping for the moment from the pain
of some emotional trauma. The sex is like a tranquillizer
that relieves the anxiety associated with a painful
experience. A case in point is as follows:
Bernard, 48 came to see
me complaining that he was a sexual addict and that
his addiction was badly complicating his life. He asked
me to help him. I told him that I could not treat his
addiction because I was not a licensed professional,
but that I could clear negative forcing functions from
him that may be blocking the flow of chi life force
energy to the cell communities of his body and that
might make him feel better.
Bernard
was married with four children and had 45 extra-marital
affairs in the past ten years. The problem was that
he lied to many of the women and they fell in love with
him and were now pressuring him in various ways which
could affect his marriage. He wanted me to help him
get rid of his sexual addiction, believing it was the
source of all his problems and it was, in the sense
that his extra-marital affairs were now beginning to
cause him real difficulty, but it turns out that the
root of his addiction was not sexual, but emotional
humiliation pain.
As a child, his mother
verbally abused his father and Bernard was ashamed of
his father and his weakness. Bernard identified with
his father and felt like a wuss when kids at school
did not accept him and treated him like a coward. To
alleviate the emotional and physical pain caused by
the school kids beating up on him, he would masturbate
while looking at pictures of beautiful nude women in
sex magazines. Masturbation made him feel good and relaxed
in spite of the pain he was feeling and so he did it
often to obtain relief.
Extra-marital sex with
many different beautiful women gave him the same feelings
of relaxation and relief from the negative forcing function
of identifying with his weak father that he received
as a child by masturbating. This father-identity negative
forcing function was a humiliation energy generator
in his subconscious that kept him feeling the pain and
mortification that the school bullies inflicted on him
as a child. Extra-marital sex made him feel better.
To help him, I regressed
him back to age 10 when four bullies were beating and
humiliating him and had him imagine a very strong and
aggressive fighter standing next to him. I used the
Goal-Imaging Focus Technique (GIFT) to meld the characteristics
of the strong aggressive fighter into Bernard at age
10 and reframed the scenario that happened at that time.
In the regression reframing,
I had Bernard at age 10 knock out the strongest of the
bullies, and knock down two others while the remaining
one fled the scene. I then had Bernard feel the strength
and confidence of a winner and this ameliorated the
weak father identity link. This had the effect of releasing
him from his father-humiliation-link negative forcing
function energy. Since he no longer felt the emotional
humiliation pain, he no longer needed to continue to
have extra-marital affairs to relieve the pain and he
could now begin to extricate himself from his marriage
difficulties and live happily without all that pressure.
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